Decoding feedback: “You could make this more active.”

Summary

What they said	“You could write this more active.”
What it means	“I’m falling asleep here! Use a more punchy, quick narrative!”
Applic­a­ble to	Action scenes, ris­ing tension.

Notes to self

It’s not only about using active over pas­sive voice, but also get­ting rid of glue words, using punchi­er verbs, and using short­er and quick­er sen­tences. Mind punc­tu­a­tion signs; em dash, com­mas, semi­colon, period—they all rep­re­sent dif­fer­ent “pause lev­els.” Always read out-loud, or use a text-to-speech read­er to mea­sure the sen­tence flow.

Example

Before

After

More Resources

• Active Sen­tence Struc­ture by The Write Site
• Exam­ples of Active and Pas­sive Voice by YourDictionary.com

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